writing exercise: complicate plot

Simplified Version

A woman raises her daughter by herself in New York. The woman's days consist of two jobs and taking her daughter to and from school and dance classes. The daughter, as a teenager, decides to pursue a dancing career. The daughter auditions for Julliard. On the same day she receives a letter from the school, her mother dies. 

Complicated Plot

In an unremarkable one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, New York, lived an unremarkable woman, named Mary, who lived a statistically unremarkable life. She was a single mother, working multiple jobs, doing menial tasks in order to simply feed and clothe her young daughter, Hope. When she had discovered that she was pregnant, Mary's fear had been surpassed only by her wastrel boyfriend, who caught the first bus out of town. Mary, having practically raised her younger siblings after her mother's early death, didn't fear parenthood half as much as she feared the financial ramifications, especially given her lack of education. But the tedium of her receptionist job in the mornings and the exhaustion of her waitressing at night were more than compensated for by the joy she found in slowly running a brush through her daughter's fine hair as she chattered on about the various adventures she had at school. 

As the years passed, the Mary's jobs changed and Hope's need for privacy led to the necessity of a second bedroom. While Mary missed the comfort of the small body lying in the bed next to her, she understood that her baby girl was growing and this young woman needed room for growth. It took Mary nearly half a year to save up enough for the simple two bedroom place with a view of the small park, but she didn't mind the double shifts and odd jobs for neighbors. She didn't mind at all, because her daughter's smile when she saw the small ballet barre Mary had added to the room overwhelmed any memory of back aches and exhaustion. When Hope decided at twelve that she wanted to be a prima ballerina, Mary began saving what little she could from her multiple jobs so that her daughter could have her dream. And when, at seventeen, Hope auditioned for a spot at Julliard, Mary took a precious day off work and saw her daughter come alive on stage. As she watched the graceful turns and twirls, Mary knew that the several days she forewent eating and walked the 20 blocks to work in order to save a few dollars for leotards and ballet shoes were worth it. 

Hope arrived at the apartment first, as was usual on the days Mary worked at the drug store. As she barreled through the front door she couldn't contain the excitement running from her fingers, clutching the days mail, through her entire body. She briefly considered waiting for her mother, but the frenetic energy of teenage girls wouldn't allow it. As she ripped open the envelope she vaguely heard the telephone ring, but it was forgotten after she read the first line of the letter.

All Hope could hear, as she stood beside the remarkably beautiful mahogany coffin, was the insistent ringing of the telephone. She had let it ring and ring as nothing but joy infused her body. It wasn't until the machine kicked on that she could no longer ignore the intrusion of the world. A heart attack, they said. Apparently her grandmother had died the same way at a similar age. Something about high blood pressure. There had been no warning signs in the days prior, but the doctor suspected the anxiety of waiting for Julliard's letter may have played a role. Her mother's finances had been, thankfully, relatively good, and Hope found out about the savings account meant for her education. It wouldn't pay for the whole year at Julliard, but Hope appreciated the support her mother was willing to give her. That was why she lovingly ran her hand over the smooth and polished wood, hoping her mother appreciated the luxury as she finally got the rest she needed.